Sunday, July 11, 2010

Time of my life

The phrase has been on my mind so much lately. It's like it's become my motto. My creed. For the good and the bad. I've pondered what this could mean in all sorts of aspects of my life and I've discovered it means all that it entails.

My young adult life has been the time of my life. This is the time where I can be whoever I want to be. Make my life exactly what I want. I don't know what I want...Last night, I prayed until I fell asleep. Granted, it wasn't while kneeling, but as I lay curled up warm in my bed, I poured out my heart and feelings. I have never felt more open and honest to anyone than I did at that moment with my Heavenly Father. It felt so good. I'm not meaning this post to take a Spiritual turn by all means, but it put me in a reflective, mellow mood today. I prayed for help on where I want my life to be. I thanked Him for the millions of blessings I've been given, but knowingly take advantage of, unfortunately. I've experienced numourous things I never thought would ever happen, overcame trials that seemed impossible, and I've done things I never thought I would, and it has been awesome. The time of my life. But, I feel empty inside. I am not completing something and I cannot figure out what it is. I have gone through every possible option in my mind to fill that void and I can't tell what it is. Will it be filled when I'm married and start a family? Is it just some depression I'm feeling? Is it because I've been complacent for so long? Or am I honestly going through a "quarter-life crisis?"

I need China. Or a China-like experience. I was able to clear my head and figure out what I wanted in life and I felt rejuvenated. I have forgotten what it was I wanted to do. Or I did it and it's time for a new phase and step in my life. I can't keep running away though. I have to be able to figure out how to work things out as an adult!

No worries, I'm not posting this as a Debbie Downer, but more to "think outloud." Believe me, I am making some adjustments in my life right now that I can already tell are significantly helping, but I'm still missin' something. Any of my other young adult (single and not single) friends feeling this way?


Les said...

Sam! I just wanted to let you know that I can relate! All day every day it seems I wonder what I'm supposed to do next. I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something and I can never figure out what it is.

I hope you can figure it out!!