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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Economy's REAL effect on financial institutions...

In this economic turmoil, many are under the impression that financial institutions have been hit only with financial problems. The following is what we do to really serve our members to get through this current recession:

1. We now offer free psychiatric sessions.

Example: A member approached me yesterday requesting a debt consolidation loan. He didn't speak much English (that's not the point..) and his business was, unfortunately struggling. His loan couldn't go through and I told the member this. He then says to me, "I jump cliff now." Let's just say after a few encouraging words, he left a happier and more confident man. Best of luck to you, sir.

2. We are your BFFs.

Example: People seem so uptight these days (understandably), especially women, that it requires a lot of Twilight talk, complimenting their babies and offering free checkbook registers before you can successfully get anywhere and satisfy the member before they leave with our full trust.

3. We now function as a food joint.

Example: One day I happened to work the drive-up window not long ago and a kind lady pulls up in her large Dodge Sprinter and hands me her driver's license. She says, "Hi can you please tell me how much I have in my account?" I proceed to pull up the account and tell her the amount. She then replies the following, "Thank you that's all I need. Oh but do you mind giving out some candy? I have a few kids in the car." I tell her, "Sure!" (Because you can't go to ANY bank or CU and not get candy. I totally agree with this, I do...but...) She then looks in her rear-view mirror and I see her count to herself. She turns to me and says, "Ok..IneedsixSmarties,fourcaramels,eightcinnamonbears,andtwoDumDums." So fast that her children couldn't argue.

4. Free Anger-management Annonymous classes:

Example: Opened an account for a sweet 95 year old man. Two days later he called furious and yelling about a mix-up he had between a "credit card" and a "debit card." He continued to insult me personally and throw himself into a rampage about financial institutions these days and demanded to close his account. After he yelled until his oxygen buzzed in the phone, I calmly said to him, "Sir? I'll be glad to help you. Please tell me what I can help you with." He then calms and starts talking about a minor home issue he'd been facing. There it is. We found the source of anger.

5. My personal new favorite...we are the new and improved payphone.

Example: Like most public places, a courtesy phone can often be found. With that said, and with street smart people around, they come in asking to use the phone. Of course, they use it and I eavesdrop. A recent conversation took place between a mother and someone I'm assuming is her grown child. "Ok dear, so Olive Garden at noon? Definetly. I can do that. Mm...their new shrimp dish looks fabulous."

6. Free Finance for Beginners 101 classes.

Example. I offer a terrific product to a member not long ago and throw in the ever-so-comforting "AND it will still be insured up to the $250,000.00!" She then brushes her hand towards me and says, "Oh I don't care about that. I'm already insured through State Farm." Blink blink. Ok.

I hope everyone can pull through this economy and successfully! Best of luck to everyone!

3 comments:

Michelle said...

Hillarious!!! Loved it. Thank you for that!!

The Lindsay's said...

That was funny! You are ever so calm on the phone. Good job!

Le Fabuleux destin d'Alex said...

OMGosh! Sam that the funniest thing I have come across today, thank goodness for blogs! I laugh my butt off, because all of that is so true. A fast food joint??? Insured in State Farm??? sure they will cover you millions of dollas no worries! all of it is just funny!